Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Week Fifteen Preview: Pondering the Ravens

In honor of the New Orleans Saints visiting the city most associated with the American literary legend Edgar Allan Poe and the poem from which Baltimore’s franchise takes its name, I have written by game preview as a poem.

Not being much of a romantic, I haven’t even attempted to write a poem since I was forced to do so in grade school with the only guidelines then being a prohibition on the inclusion of the line “roses are red” and any reference to the island of Nantucket.

I have learned from this experience that finding a word that rhymes with “Flacco” is as frustrating as finding one that rhymes with “orange”. I don’t recommend you try doing either. It’ll only make your brain hurt.

I hope you enjoy reading this opus and if any English graduates feel compelled to pen a critique, you are free to send them over whilst on break from stacking books at Barnes & Noble.

Week Fifteen

On an afternoon most dreary, the Saints will face a team most leery

Both clubs fighting for their division, will heighten further the collision

Saints must get a win that day and also need help from birds of gray

Trailing to the men of Steel, the Ravens still nip on their heels

Baltimore, star spangled city, K-ville’s known for being gritty

They eat big crabs caught from the sea, we once had fish before BP

But we have jazz, parade and joy

They’ve got Poe, we’ve got Po-Boys

Beyond the fowl of blackened feather, the Saints must deal with nasty weather

A tougher challenge far from home, without the protection of their dome

Black birds are favored in gambling dives, a spread that stands at two point five

With a chance of snow on this coming Sunday, if I were you, the points I’d lay

The offense has been improved through a series of shrewd moves

Drafting smart and making trades, the Ravens even signed Donte

While Joe Flacco is no Trent Dilfer, for Baltimore he has delivered

And when the Ravens need to pound, Ray Rice can get yards on the ground

The Ravens defense was once most fierce, offensive lines they often’d pierced

It doth not take a learned sleuth, to see that they are long in tooth

Ray Lewis, T. Suggs and Ed Reed, they’re not the men they used to be

On Monday night they gave up scores, the Ravens barely flew out the door

But Who Dats cannot really brag, not the way we’re drawing flags

Twelve men on field was not so nice, just when the game looked to be on ice

Cincy came back, the Bengals roar’d, Saints fans attending were all floored

But saved they were by an early sally, which helped complete the Drew Brees rally

The week before in north Texas, had the Who Dats hurling hexes

A big lead blown in Jerry’s palace, the Saints were blessed to win in Dallas

And when our chances looked like zero, Malcolm Jenkins played the hero

THE Ohio Buckeye chased Williams down, forced a fumble and turn’d things around

And while the temperature is bad, there are reasons to be glad

The time elapsed has brought good health, the running corps- a source of wealth

Pierre is back and Reggie’s healed, on Sunday they’ll be on the field

Another player we won’t lack, our future hall of fame d-back

The Saints o-line must protect Brees, lest they bring us to our knees.

On Colston’s hands our hopes will ride, if number Nine hits him in stride

As playoff hopes burn like embers, too bad this game is in December

The toughest contest on the slate, to be fighting champions is their fate

Brees must avoid forcing throws, a pick-six there’s a mortal blow

Punt returns Bush cannot bumble, and pray that Ivory doesn’t fumble

And not to be an orn’ry nag, Jahri Evans should avoid the flag

And if Hartley’s kicks go wide right, Two Dat chances won’t look so bright

Early setbacks had us down, who’d have thought we’d lose to Browns?

Gainst the Cardindals we did not shine, Max Hall beat us in his first time

And with the loss to ATL, the playoff path looks road trip hell

And if New Orleans Saints drop one more, a repeat as division champs?, nevermore!

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